SO, that's my story and the "reason"... TW talks of disordered eating
- Abigail Brown
- Jan 18, 2023
- 6 min read
Hey there! I'm trying out this thing called a blog. But it might just be a dump of my emotions about motherhood, nutrition, diets, being young in this world and so on... so an informative journal? kinda? Anyways, my name is Abby, I'll be 24 come March, I get to share my birthday with my twin brother (how cool and YES. we are fraternal..so many people ask that.)I also have 2 more brothers and a sister. I am the youngest.. and of course the coolest. I'm married to the best husband, and we have the cutest little (almost two year old) daughter. And you know what comes with the age two? You might've heard of it a few million times... they say it is terrible. I can agree but it might be terrible that we call it that. But I'll get into that another day.
Now, here's a little background on my education because it is important not to just get nutrition advice from anyone on the internet.I studied health science for three, yes three, years at my local community college and obtained my associates degree. ( It's okay if you don't graduate in four years!!) Then I went on and got pregnant! Ahh, so scary when you are 21 years old. BUT. So worth it. I jumped into Purdue Globals program for a holistic approach to nutrition when I was six months pregnant. Crazy, right? I was scared, motivated, nervous and most of all READY. I'm the type of person that needs to be doing a million things at once or I feel guilty/ lazy. Which I know isn't the case.
Fast forward to being in the program at Purdue , and deciding to sign up for a 24 month health coaching certification. Are you noticing a trend? I am as I type this. If you are like me, we can get through it together. What do they say? Some people thrive in chaos? Hi, it's me! but I don't usually feel like I'm thriving, haha. Anyways, I try to wrap up the health coach certification quicker than anticipated- I'm about to be a new mom and I need to have a solid foundation!! So, once I was able to, I launched Healthy looks good on you. It is a private health and wellness coaching business to help people establish healthy habits and to move towards their goals. It is much more than that, but more than I can explain in my first blog post (eek)! I launched that, while still trucking through my bachelors degree, working full time and being very pregnant.
April 21st 2021, we welcomed our perfect angel. Getting home from the hospital was a whirlwind to say the least. It does take a villiage. I was working full time, going to school and raising a little one which is no easy task. BUT, I did it. June 2022, I graduated! YAY! but.. now what? I had a mediocore website and slow rolling business to say the least. but consistency is key right? Now that I have my degree and am certified, I am fully able to give coaching to clients and when appropriate will recommend when it is time to seek a more professional setting- AKA a Registered Dietitian.
Why did I not keep going to school? I thought I would eventually become an RD. But the system to become one is not a fun task. You need a 4 year degree from an accredited university- ok check. Then 1500+ hours of supervised clinicals, but you need to do that in an unpaid internship that you need to get matched to and then pay around 12K to be apart of it. Then pass the licensing exam. And lets face it, I don't have the time or money to do that at this point in my life. I see a lot of RD's opening their own private practices on social media. Which I have already been doing, now I want to acknowledge that I will turn down a client if I feel they should seek help from a Registered Dietitian vs me! Not every person on the internet will do that, so please stay safe out there!!
So, what sparked my interest in nutrition? Gahhh, my ever flowing disordered relationship with food and exercise. If this kind of conversation makes you uncomfortable or might trigger your emotions with disordered eating, please stop reading! That is my fair warning. Let's start, I was born at the very end of the 90's- yup 1999. We get it, I'm young! Anyways, growing up, I always saw my mom struggle with her body image, and always trying diets and even her actions by not wanting to be in pictures/ certain clothing. Now add, having to feed 5 kids on a tight budget. If you weren't there right when she was unloading groceries, you missed out, atleast thats how it felt. ( I have THREE older brothers, if you get the gist).
The mixture of watching my mom struggle, me feeling rabid around food in the house and being a teenaged girl in highschool all transpired into a boat load of disordered eating. It was a struggle, and theres more to add into my own problems but IT happened. I would avoid eating at all costs then get extremely mad at myself when I would binge. It would either turn into a punishment to over exercise or I would purge it all back up. Food felt like a reward and if I couldn't control myself around it, then it was like I didnt deserve it. But there's something I want you to take away from this. If you are constantly restricting your intake, your body naturally tries to eat as much as possible the next time you offer it food. Do not get mad at yourself or punish yourself for this.
I wish I heard that when I was younger. I had no idea why I was always binge eating. Like hello brain, don't you know what will come next? Excessive exercise or a "good ol" turn the shower on so nobody can hear me trying to throw my guts up episode. All "good things" come to an end because boy did things take a turn. Well, when you do not feed yourself, headaches can be a nasty side effect. So like any person, I took tylenol. But do you know what you shouldn't do with an empty stomach, repeatedly? Take tylenol.
Yup, I started bleeding out of my ass. Which landed me in my pediatricians office, you heard me right. Pediatrician, because I was a prime age of 16. So, there I was acting nonchalant in the office, because I did not put two and two together. And I had no idea why I would have bloody stools.(Hello, delusional?) I needed to have a colonoscopy for the doctor to have a better understanding about what was going on. And no I did not tell him what behaviors I was partaking in. Welp, my insides were covered in ulcers. They were everywhere. It looked horrible. So much so, they thought I had Crohns Disease. Little did they know, I was so severyly struggling with my disorded eating that this was basically self inflicted. Not an autoimmune disease. This is why I decided to share my backround. To expose the dark side to dieting and the obsession that comes with it. (This doesn't automatically mean you will fall into an eating disorder/disordered eating like me, but beware!)
More people need to be aware and to stop the patterns in our own homes and communities. To be brave and toss the scale, because behaviors are more important than the number on the scale. To be strong and to fuel yourself in a way that feels good. To eat foods that bring enjoyment,that spark memories and foods that our ancestors would be proud of.
Please take one thing from my story, be observant, be loud and knock down diet culture.
with so much love and excitement, a healed Abby
If you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder and or disordered eating, please seek help! Find RD's that are in your network and get working with a licensed therapist (I understand this might not be available for all people, and I am sorry for that). In the meantime here is a hotline that you can chat, text or call!
Find your safe person, don't try to go about this alone! and parents, keep an eye out for your kids!
If you want general nutrition help/help with some behavior change, I'm your girl! Here's a direct link to my online booking portal!
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